I've been trying to recover. It went well for a while. Until I started getting really fat.
I stabilized at 138 for a long time. Sometimes it was 140. I was okay with that. I went up to 144. I was scared at first, but I was getting happier. My hair was growing back. I had energy.
Then christmas came and I went up to 148. Then 151. Now, 154.
.......
I kind of want to kill myself. I feel terrible.

So here I am.
154
Waist 27
Hips 38
Thigh 22

I'm so ashamed. I don't know what to do. I want to recover and love myself however I am. Whatever I weigh. I'm trying. And failing.
I want to be 140 again.